There’s a difference between being fine and actually feeling okay.
This week for Notes from the Night Shift, we’re talking to Hannah Holt - love and breathwork coach, founder of High on Love, and someone who speaks very honestly about what happens when women stop just coping and start paying attention to what they actually need.
We spoke about nervous system overload, why so many women are functioning on empty, and the small things that can help you feel more settled at night.
For people who haven’t come across your work before, what do you actually help women with?
I help women come back to themselves.
Not the version they think they should be - but who they actually are underneath all the pressure, people-pleasing, and “not enough” thinking.
Through breathwork and self-worth coaching, I help women stop chasing love, approval and validation outside of themselves, and start feeling it from within. My work is about moving from feeling disconnected, overwhelmed or stuck… to feeling lit up, loved up and fully alive.
You talk a lot about women going from “I’m fine” to feeling fully alive. What does “I’m fine” usually look like in reality?
“I’m fine” is the biggest lie we tell ourselves.
It looks like holding it all together on the outside while feeling overwhelmed, exhausted, and completely spent on the inside.
It’s saying yes when you mean no. It’s overthinking, comparing, second-guessing yourself and never quite feeling good enough. It’s functioning… but not really feeling.
A lot of women aren’t actually fine. They’re just very used to coping — and burying what’s underneath because they’ve spent so long putting themselves last.
Was there a point where you realised you weren’t actually “fine” anymore?
Yes - I hit a point where I couldn’t pretend anymore.
After years of avoiding how I really felt, and masking my unhappiness with drugs, alcohol and all-nighters, I knew I was destroying my life.
On the outside, it looked like I was doing everything “right”. But underneath, there was anxiety, self-doubt, and this constant feeling that something wasn’t working.
I’d spent years chasing love and trying to prove I was enough, and it was exhausting.
That was my “I’m done” moment. The moment everything started to change. The moment I said: fuck it.
What do you think is actually keeping women awake right now?
It’s not just busy lives, it’s busy minds.
Women are going to bed with everything still running: the mental load, the pressure, the overthinking, the “what ifs”, the replaying conversations, the self-criticism.
For so many of us, the minute we try to switch off is the exact moment everything gets louder.
Underneath that, there’s often something deeper too - feeling like you’re not doing enough, not being enough, or not where you “should” be.
Your body might be in bed, but your nervous system is still on high alert.
A lot of women are exhausted but still functioning. Why do you think that’s become so normalised?
Because we’ve been taught that pushing through is strength.
Being busy, stressed, and holding it all together is often worn like a badge of honour - but really, it’s disconnection. It’s overriding what you actually need for so long that your body adapts.
You can still function, of course. But a lot of women are functioning while running on empty.
Feeling tired, wired and overwhelmed has become so common that we’ve started treating it like normal. But common doesn’t mean healthy - and it doesn’t mean it’s how we’re meant to live.
Breathwork can sound intimidating if you’ve never tried it - what is it actually helping women do?
At its simplest, breathwork helps women come back to their bodies.
Most of us spend so much of our lives in our heads: thinking, analysing, trying to figure everything out. Breathwork helps bypass some of that and brings you back into what’s actually going on underneath.
It can help regulate your nervous system, release stress and emotion, and create a sense of safety in your body again.
And when your body feels safer, it becomes much easier to actually rest, and sleep.
If someone feels wired, overwhelmed or like they can’t properly switch off at night, where can breath help?
The breath is one of the fastest ways to tell your body: you’re safe now.
When you slow your breathing down, especially your exhales, you send a signal to your nervous system that it’s okay to come out of that wired, alert state.
Even something as simple as inhaling for 4 and exhaling for 6 to 8 can help calm your system.
It’s less about “trying to make yourself sleep” and more about creating the conditions for your body to relax.
Are there any small bedtime tools or rituals you genuinely rate for helping people feel more settled at night?
Keep it simple.
Put your phone down earlier than you think you need to. Dim the lights. Give your body a clear signal that the day is ending.
One thing I love doing is mentally replaying the moments in the day that felt good — what made me smile, what went well, what felt like a win, however small. Ending the day in that energy can really help settle your mind and body.
Then when you get into bed, take a few minutes to slow your breath. A 4–7–8 rhythm can work beautifully, but don’t overthink it - the main thing is a longer exhale.
I’m also a big believer in anything that gently supports nasal breathing and helps your body settle into sleep more easily, which is why I love what kip&glow is doing. Sometimes it’s the smallest bedtime shifts that make the biggest difference.
That’s what helps tell your body it’s safe to switch off.
What actually helps you switch off at the end of the day?
Honestly, a lot of the basics - done consistently.
I battled with insomnia for years, so I feel like I’ve tried every trick, supplement and routine going. But what I always come back to is this: my breath is the most powerful tool I have.
For me, it’s about calming my mind, taking the pressure off the day, and replaying the moments that felt good - the moments that reminded me I’m okay.
When we end the day feeling safe and supported, it changes the quality of our rest.
What do you wish more women would stop accepting as normal?
Feeling constantly exhausted.
Putting themselves last.
Believing that self-care is selfish, or something to feel guilty about.
I also wish more women would stop accepting the way they speak to themselves, like they’re their own biggest critic, just because “that’s how it’s always been”.
So many women still believe they have to earn rest, love, or enoughness. That they have to settle. That the life they really want is somehow not for them.
But you don’t need to prove anything to be worthy of rest, joy or feeling good in your own life.
I wish more women realised that the life they want doesn’t come from pushing harder.
It comes from coming home to themselves.
Want more from Hannah?
You can find Hannah’s work and more from High on Love here.
She’s also shared a 10-minute bedtime breathwork session to help you unwind before sleep — ideal for those nights when your body is tired, but your mind is still racing.
